And, yes, they fitted a treat, the red ones I went for. Celebrity or not, we all burn! It was radiant red! I wanted to look hot for the first film premiere that I was going to attend, one of the hottest tickets in town, apparently very exclusive, not open to any old Tom, Dick or whosoever. Na na na na na na! What to wear? What do you wear to Sex and the City? Not only He knows — the whole bloody nation! I think this may be in the world-wide press — thanks Simeon.
Oh yes, Sex and the City. So, outfit sorted, off I went to my agent to collect my tickets. This is Tuesday, sorry. The premiere is on Thursday. Right, deep breath for me, to get in the lift, five floors up, to my agent. Hop, skipping and jumping, a high kick and a pirouette, straight into my agent's office.
Tickets please darling! Why are you looking at me like that? So what can it be, I ask? Pray tell? I was now being told, one and three quarter days before the premiere, that they could not secure my t-t-t-t-tickets!
I can feel the Readybrek glow coming back. I really thought I could start to use the word Celebrity. Obviously not! Not in association with my name, not quite yet.
At the grand young age of 41, if you want things doing, just do them yourself. Not at going to the film or the party, who cares? This was for this particular premiere. Not only did I get in on the action, while she was having her hair done I got a make-up artist to give me some guy-liner and some shine. Who got out of the cab? And Jake Canuso. Anyway, we passed through and I got out first. Louie, Louie!
Oh shit! How strange; all these people wanting a bit of me. I may be small and well formed, but I made sure there was enough to go around. Obviously they were screaming for Emma too, who was wonderful and such a pro, taking me along with her as we signed autographs and had our picture taken. The red carpet was like doing one round of a running track, right around Leicester Square it went. I started at one end with Emma and finished up at the other end with Emma or Kylie.
We all had great fun at the party; I did approach Big to ask if I could have a photo with him, which I thought would be great to share with you all, but he ended up just being a big wanker. I wish I'd walked. I mean, I can talk, but this driver was taking the piss. Now, I know I'm swearing, and this can show a lack of vocabulary, but sometimes, it's so much easier just to get your point across, don't you thin k?
Flash, flash, flash!!! Now, I can normally give a pose for each flash, but even for me, taking on about twenty at once, even after a coca cola, would have been a push. Over here! Up here! Down here! Give it to me! Spread your legs! I mean, really, the things they asked me to do.
I was to the left, I was to the right, I spread my legs. Moving on in, it was a lovely do, beautiful people, all having fun. I was there two minutes and who do I bump into? The Jed and the Ward. I gave them a quick shake and moved on to Paloma Faith and had a brief chat with her. She seemed like a girl who knows how to have a good time and not take life too seriously. She was most probably sorting out the buffet from Iceland.
Then, come February, they normally all pile it straight back on again. I mean, come on, if this lot can do it, then I certainly can. And I will. Anyway, so I was there about two hours. So I just go straight into it. Oh, now, who is it? Who would have thought that this voice of mine would be selling mags?
Do I need to Reveal all? Come on, I really do think I deserve a suit for free. Well, who knows, I could be now! It was so much fun, in my Top Man suit.
There were so many people there; I had a little photo opportunity with David Hayes. Anyway, I gave up and decided I looked much better with a Pussy. I think I frightened the life out of Chris Evans, when I did a flat back over and rubbed myself up his thigh. Anyway, it was a three course meal at the Grosvenor Hotel, full of a lot of radio people. And if you have trouble putting a name to faces, try putting a name to voices.
Friday, 11 June Butch Boy. He is also one of the judges for Dancing on Ice. Louie is one of the dance industry's most unique talents with a reputation that precedes him. Known affectionately as 'Lay out Lou with liquid legs and a lisp', he attributes his astounding flexibility to his privileged council estate upbringing.
When faced with the choice of going to work with his Dad at John's Tyres and Exhausts or attending dance school with his two sister, Louie opted for lycra. The raw talent was there and, encouraged by his dance teacher, his parents took out a second mortgage to send Louie to the prestigious Italia Conti Performing Arts School. After graduating Louie joined the original award-winning cast of Miss Saigon, where he helped to create the show's thrilling acrobatics.
Mistoffelees a name he has trouble pronouncing and for a year wore a cat suit and yak's-hair wig and tail. But encouraged by friends and colleagues, he started Edit Agency at Pineapple Dance Studios where, as Artistic Director, he recruited dancers and choreographers for the biggest names in the business such as Kylie, Mariah Carey, Robbie Williams and Will Young, to name but a few.
Edit Agency's reputation grew and Louie's with it. During 25 years in show business he's turned his hand to comedy, acting, presenting, writing and even dancing on the BBC's 'Strictly'.
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